Even if you have split up with the child’s other parent, you will always be your child’s parent, just as much as the other parent is. This means that you both have a responsibility towards your child. This involves bringing up the child to be a happy and well rounded member of society and making big decisions that will have a large impact on their life and development.
Despite the fact that by law, you both have equal parental rights in this regard, it can be hard to make these major decisions because you may both have dfferent viewpoints. You should ensure that you try to be as amicable as possible, make compromises where necessary and to accept and respect that the other parent has their own ideas and feelings. Remember that you are the adults so you need to act as maturely as you can. You should also remember that no matter what the other parent tries to tell you, you have an equal right to make these major decisions as they do.
Why Make Decisions Together?
Whenever you acquire Parental Responsibility, from then on, you will have the responsibility to make decisions for your child’s wellbeing and other important decisions affecting their life including things like their education. The other parent does too. In order to make these decisions in the best interests of your child, you should both work together so that you can agree on the best course of action for your child. Not only will this prevent any competition between you and keep things out of court, but your child will see you acting together as parents and this will help your child to feel safe and less like being caught in the middle of adult relationship issues.
Teamwork
Working as a team doesn’t mean agreeing on everything, but instead you need to develop the tools that are necessary for effective communication. Stay calm, listen and think about the other person’s point of view instead of focussing on your own. Remember that it is your child who matters most and not getting your own way or ‘winning’. Shouting, arguing and making threat are all examples of negative actions that will be sure to cause conflict between you and your ex, as well as failing to reach a joint decision.
The Law and Your Rights
The father and the mother of the child both have an equal right to make these major decisions in their child’s life. This does not include day to day decisions for a child however. Whether you are the resident parent or if you have contact, the other parent is not entitled to tell you what to do whilst the child is in your care. In addition, you musn’t try to dictate to your ex what they should or should not be doing whilst they spend time with the child on a day to day basis.
Remember that for all major decisions including medical, education or financial, you have the right to be kept informed and to be consulted about these major decisions. If you feel that you arebeing left out of this decision making process, then you will need to apply to court to have the issue resolved.
Mediation
Often, parents find that they struggle to communicate effectively with one another. If you find yourself in this situation, then you should consider mediation. The mediator will facilitate communication between you as well as giving you the tools to communicate more effectively in the future. Sometimes however, mediation is not enough and you may need to take the matter to court.
Ultimately, you must remember that nobody will be able to agree with another person about everything. Instead, you have to accept that some compromises will need to be made. Think about buildig a safe and happy future for your child involving the other parent instead of making the decision making process a competitive one.
