Whenever a relationship ends, there are bound to be hurt feelings and a lot of tension between the parties but sometimes, a relationship breaks down due to some form of abuse.  If you have been in an abusive relationship and are separating from your partner, you must make sure that you take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your children from harm.

Make A Police Report

The first thing that you must do if you haven’t already is to contact the police.  Abuse is a serious allegation but if you are bing abused, you will need to be able to prove this in court.  The best way to do this is to have police involvement.  When the abuse occurs, you should contact the police and tell them what has happened.

One or two police officers are likely to attend your home address to talk to you about what has happened.  Try to remain calm and be honest about your version of events.  You may need to make an official statement.  The police officer who is dealing with the complaint will give you a crime reference number.  This is important and you will need to keep this safe so that you can use it as evidence that you have tried to do something to protect yourself and your children.

End The Relationship

You are important.  Nobody is allowed to hurt you physically or emotionally.  Controlling behaviour  and physical violence are both damaging and can have severe consequences if you stay in a relationship like that. When there are children involved, the danger is even greater as dependant children are not able to get away from the situation in the same way that an adult can and they certainly can’t fight back.  You should make an effort to break away from the relationship if you find that you are in an abusive relationship.

You don’t have to go it alone.  There are agencies such as The National Domestic Violence Helpline amongst others who will be able to advise you about what to do.  Stay strong and remember that you are doing the best thing for your children.

Following The Separation

If you are the mother, it is likely that the children will stay with you.  You should ensure that you explain to their school or nursery that you have separated from the father and that you do not want him to collect the children.  It is likely that the school or nursery will honour this request.  If you have difficulties with this, you should apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order.  This would allow you to stop the children’s father from collecting them from school.  Once this order has been granted, you can give a copy to the school so that they will enforce it.

If your ex partner wants to ask the court for an order for contact, they are entitled to do this, but you will have your chance to explain your version of events and why you don’t feel that it is safe for your children to spend time unsupervised with your ex partner.

Going To Court

If you want the children to still have a relationship with their father but you want this to be as safe as possible, you can apply to the court.

A child arrangements order can be obtained to establish an order for contact.  If you explain to the court that the relationship broke down due to violence or abuse and use the police reference number as evidence that you have reported the crime, then the court may consider only allowing contact in a contact centre.  Contact Centres often facilitate supervised contact so someone will be in the room with your ex partner and the child or children at all times.  This can be a way to ensure that the children are safeguarded during contact with the other parent.

Going to court to allege abuse doesn’t necessarily mean that the court will grant the order you’re asking for.  You and your ex partner will most likely be subjected to a report by CAFCASS and this will help the court to decide what level of contact would be appropriate if any.