We’re sometimes asked what rights a man has if the child has not yet been born. The simple answer to this is that there are no rights for the father of an unborn child. Until the baby’s birth is registered, the father cannot apply to court for an order and he does not have any right to have a say in the way in which the expectant mother acts prior to the child’s birth.
What Can You Do If You Find Out That You Are To Be A Father?
Finding out that you’re going to be a father can be more than a little daunting. Whether the pregnancy was planned or not, often, it can still come as quite a shock. If you were in a short term relationship with the mother and you want to have involvement in the child’s life, it is important that you let the mother know this as early as you can.
If you are in a rocky relationship which breaks down during the pregnancy, you should do your best to try to support the mother. Understand that she is probably feeling very scared herself and hormones can really take their toll on a pregnant woman’t body and mind.
How To Act
When you are in a difficult situation such as this, you must do your best to stay calm and level headed. You will not gain favour with the mother if you try to make her life hell whilst she is pregnant. Whilst it may be frustrating to feel that you have no control over the situation, a foetus snuggled up warm inside its mother’s womb is only the responsibility of the mother for now. The more reasonable you can be now, the better things will be for you later down the line. If you do need to go to court in future, it is better that your ex does not have any ammunition to prove to the court that you shouldn’t be involved in your child’s life.
You may be invited to play a big part in the pregnancy, even if you are not in a relationship with the mother. You may be left out of all pregnancy events and your ex could try to use the pregnancy as a way to hurt you, especially if she feels that you are to blame for the relationship having ended. No matter what happens, you need to accept that this is how things are for now. If you give your ex the evidence at this stage, she may use it against you in court. You could end up with a restraining order or similar, which would not leave you in a good light.
If you are allowed to attend any scans etc, make sure that you attend them on time and keep up with all the involvement that your ex will allow to build the trust between you. The more amicable you can be the better as this woman will be in your life for a very long time after your baby is born.
Parental Responsibility
Parental Responsibility has already been covered elsewhere on this site, so make sure that you check out that article. You can find out who has parental responsibility as well as what parental responsibility actually is. Use the following links for further information:
Parental responsibility is the key to understanding why in the eyes of the law you can’t have parental responsibility for a child who hasn’t been born. Once the child has been born however, you will be able to apply to the court to sort out any issues that you may be facing concerning your child.
After The Birth
Once the baby has been born, the mother has 6 weeks in which to register the birth. She can do this alone, or with the father present. Even if the father is unable to attend, she is still able to put the father’s name on the birth certificate if he agrees. The mother does not have a legal obligation to register the father on the birth certificate, but if the father applies to court to be named as the child’s father, then it is unlikely that the court will refuse this request.
If you find that your ex registers the birth without you present and you are not named on the birth certificate, you should ask her if she will consider amending the birth record with you so that your child can have both parents on the certificate. If she refuses, then you will need to apply to court to have this issue resolved.
Paternity matters can be straightforward or they can be complicated. Sometimes, you may need to have a DNA test whilst other times, the court may be able to rule that you are the father, if for example the mother says that she knows that you are.
You could also ask the mother to sign a parental responsibility agreement. This will not name you on the birth certificate, but it will give you the rights of a father.
Contact
Even if you are named on the birth certificate or have parental responsibility by any other means once the baby has been born, this will not mean that you are automatically entitled to contact. It can be difficult to get long amounts of contact time with a baby in the first months of his or her life, as babies are heavily reliant on their mothers, especially if they are breastfeeding. You should bear this in mind when you ask your ex or the court to arrange contact.
it is natural for the mother to feel a need to be close to her baby at all times in the first few months too. If you are going to have a good relationship with your child’s mother, you should think about her feelings. This need to build a close maternal bond is nature and is not your ex trying to hurt you. Suggest that you could spend time with your baby whilst the mother is present. An hour at a time should be long enough, bearing in mind that babies sleep a lot and need to feed every 2-4 hours in the first few months.
Going to Court
If you find that every time you attempt to communicate with your ex, you are either met by silence or arguments, then you may have no choice but to go to court. You will need to attend a MIAM and then you will be able to submit a court application.
You may need to ask the court to name you on the birth certificate, to give you a parental responsibility order, to adjudicate on contact arrangements or to ask for a prohibited steps order to prevent the other parent from doing something, for example moving abroad or deciding on a religion for your child.
The court process can be a long one. Some people find that their case can last for up to a year, and in more complex situations, it can be even longer. The sooner that you apply to court the better so that you can start to build a relationship with your child as soon as possible.
Whilst it isn’t a nice thought that you may spend your child’s first few months or year not being able to enjoy all those firsts, once you have been through the court process, you will end up with a court order to enable you to begin to build that relationship. A toddler will be very loving and open to building a relationship with thier father and you will realise that the wait was worth it.
