When you have separated from your child’s other parent, it is not possible to be able to spend 100% of your time with the child. Even if you have shared or majority residency of your child, you will still have less time with your children than when you were still living with your ex in the family unit.
Suddenly finding that you have less time to spend with your children means that you have to try to find ways to make the most of the contact time that you do have with your children. Whether you see your child for half the holidays and every other weekend or if you have more or less time than this, you need to make sure that you do things to maintain the bond between your children. With more contact time, you will find that you don’t have too much of a problem in doing this, but if you are restricted to just a few hours a month, you need to make every minute count.
Quality time
There is no specific way in which to spend quality time with your children. You should make sure that you choose to do things that you both enjoy doing so that you will both enjoy your time together. Whatever your job is, you should ensure that you prioritise spending this quality time with your children. You may need to talk to your boss about your contact arrangements so that you can ensure that you will be free during the scheduled contact times. If you are not available for contact and you have to leave the child with one of your relatives for example, you will be losing out on time with your child that you will never be able to get back.
Short Contact Time
If you only have limited contact, for example a couple of hours a week, you will find it more difficult to fit many things into the time. Try a meal or shopping. You don’t need to buy lots of gifts for your child and it isn’t recommended that you do either. Of course, you can buy them gifts from time to time and things that the need such as clothes and food, butthe main thing that you should do is show your child consistency by spending time with them and giving them plenty of attention during this time.
When you do spend time with your children, make sure that you ask them plenty of questions about what they have been doing. Showing an interest in their life is important. You could ask them how they are enjoying school and what their favourite subjects are, if they have been to any nice places recently and what they like to watch on TV. Sometimes, children will open up more to one parent than another, so if your child does communicate anything that is sentitive such as that they are being bullied at school for example, you should try to address this with the other parent.
Vary Your Chosen Activities
It can be easy to fall into the routine of going out with your children. Be careful that you are not falling into a pattern of going to the cinema followed by meals out all the time. If you only see your child for a couple of hours a week, this may be all that you have the time to do, but cinema followed by a burger doesn’t add much variety to your contact times. Eventually your child will get bored with this routine. Instead, you should try to find out what your child likes to do. It’s a good idea to ask what your child wants to do next time. You don’t have to do what the child suggests but at least if you ask, you give the child an opportunity to let you know the kinds of activity that they would like to do.
It’s a great idea to support your child’s interests, so if there is something that your child enjoys doing, you should encourage them to do that activity often. Sometimes, it may be the case that your child can’t spend time doing that activity as often as they’d like when they’re not with you, and it can even show your child that you remember the things they’ve said that they’re interested in, which shows that you care.
Holidays
You would need to clear it with your ex before you book a holiday, but if your ex agrees to you taking the child on holiday, you should choose a nice location to visit for as long as you are able to. This gives you some time away from your home and the pressures that you may feel there. It does everyone some good to go on holiday and it’s a great opportunity for bonding with your child.
Time at Home
Whilst it may be fun doing all these things out and about and travelling whenever you can with your child, you also need to have some relaxing quiet time at home. This can give you a little financial break, as it can get expensive entertaining your child away from home.
You could order a takeaway so that you don’t need to cook, or you could make a delicious home cooked meal. There are plenty of things you could do at home including playing board games, watching a movie, playing with lego, baking with your child or playing with modelling clay. Doing things like this with your child will enable you to improve your relationship as well as saving you money. Your child will enjoy simply spending that quality time with you instead of expecting you to spend lots of money on them.
